He Broke It.

Hello KooKooBabes!


   Last month I was asked to give my little cousin "The talk" because she got her first fifth grade boyfriend and in this day and age you never know how young they'll start. I was giving her this talk in the car on the way home and at one point I was giving her examples of how to be in control of herself and she has the power and if she gives it up she could end up very hurt how I was hurt recently. She looked confused and turned to me saying "but you didn't have a boyfriend". Which she was right I haven't had a boyfriend for a very long time, but does that mean I can't have my heart broken? 
   The answer that has taken me a while to discover is no; you don't always have to be in a relationship with a person for them to break your heart. You can be like me and wear your heart on your sleeve and when that guy you think is so special comes around, he can easily break it. This happened to me recently; I started a thing with a guy and I "caught feelings" as everyone is calling it now and, whoever pitched me those feelings is definitely in the majors because it was a hard, fast, straight down the strike zone pitch of feelings. The problem was, he didn't feel the same but he still continued to mind-fuck me and string me along for nine long months. In the end he finally was over me and decided to cut me out of his life completely. Without notice and without a reason why-when I confronted him-but with some public comments like a sub-tweet or two and a sub-instagram. Now, that could all be in my head but I'm pretty sure it was about me. Either way it broke me, even now while I write this my chest gets tight and tears start to come to the surface because it was so sudden. 
   I got my heart broken and it is still broken; he tore it in two and there's a lot of stitches needed to put it back together and those stitches aren't all in one go. Oh no, I'm still not even close to a fully repaired heart and every time I think about it I pull at the stitches I've worked hard to get. The comment my cousin made for example is perfect for pulling at those already made stitches. How do you explain to someone that a person you weren't even in a relationship with broke your heart? It sounds absolutely insane! Truly it sounds like I'm insane, but in this society it really isn't. A lot of people aren't committing to just one person-or they are but cheating with several others-but that doesn't stop them from finding someone who wants to be that one person and taking them for everything we are willing to give. Which I am responsible for it partly because I am so willing to give someone I really want to have something with almost everything. I set myself up for it, I listened to what everyone told me not to do, I nodded and smiled and then I did what I wanted and it's ended up not too great. I'm hurt and raw and I hate this feeling for a broken heart. I hate that fact that I know we wont end up together, I hate how I know I won't fall asleep in his arms or get to know anything more about him. I even hate how I even wanted any of that to happen and thought it could happen! It makes it that much harder to deal with this, what also makes it that much harder is knowing I'm going to have to see him in five weeks and I'm going to have to act like I'm not burning up on the inside. 
   A broken heart is never fun and it isn't something I wish onto anyone, I don't even wish this pain onto the guy who broke it. No, in fact I pray for him every week, I pray to god that he one day will realize how much I gave up for him and how much I actually cared about him. Maybe he will see it and maybe he won't either way a prayer to god can't hurt anyone, and in a way it helps me heal. With the strength of god and the strength he gives me, and I give myself I will one day recover. My heart will be fully stitched and I will have learned from my mistakes. Hopefully I will be willing to give it to another person in full confidence they won't tear at the seems. Until that day I will work to make my heart on a sleeve whole again.

XXX ILY times a Milli, NikkieSharpie XXX

Revamping my closet 2.

   !Hello KooKooBabes

       I made a post before about redoing my closet and this post is going to be a continuation of redoing my wardrobe because there is still a lot to be done. In my last post I talked about how I was purging my drawers and closet but still had a lot of clothing. Well, I think I've done about ten cycles of filtering everything out of my closet and now finally I'm getting somewhere. I made a list of things I need to add to my wardrobe and started to purchase them here and there but still wasn't much room in my already small closet. Last night I did what I think is my final purge and I did this in probably the smartest way possible. 

   I go back to school in 6 weeks and to most people that's so far from their thoughts but to me it's right about the corner so I needed to light a fire under my indecisive ass. I first started by getting two different types of duct tape. Purple and silver and attached them to hangers with clothing on them; purple tape meant I was taking it to college and silver meant it was staying at home. I really don't need a Michael Kors sweater in the middle of souther Florida now do I? No, but I would need it when I returned to NY in the colder months. The tape helped because as I went though item by item I would think before I stuck it around the hook; do I need this, does it look good-and most importantly-how many looks can I make with this top. If I couldn't pair it with 5 bottoms that I either owned or was going to own I had to give it up. It was the smartest thing I could do because if I couldn't pair or it wouldn't look good paired with more then one thing it made its way to the donation pile. My closet can now fully be seen through one of the sliding doors and I think that is an accomplishment.

   After my closet I went to the drawers, now I don't want to take all my tee shirts and tank tops to school with me. There isn't much room for all of that so I needed to divide what would be taken and what I would leave. I didn't want to start to pack and load up my car just yet-and when I did this it was 11pm the forest monsters would eat me if I left the house-so I dumped everything out of my drawer and sorted it. Everything I wasn't brining to school would be placed left to right and be on the bottom and everything going to school was from top to bottom and put on top, so when it came time to pack I wouldn't be digging for thing.

   After this I feel good and fresh and clean and ready to stock up on the things I needed for my closet without feeling like it was taking up my life/room. I don't think I need to purge anymore but instead I need to stock up. There's a list of things I need for school and I only have six more weeks to get it all! Time to kick this into gear! 

XXX ILY times a Million, NikkieSharpie XXX   

Summer Bucket List!

Hello KooKooBabes!

   With the start of summer just a few days behind us I decided to share my summer bucket list with you lovely readers. I kept it simple and to only six things to do-two things I've already crossed off. Below is each item on my list and then what it means or why it is on there, well, here we go.

1. Bonfire on the Beach
   Even though every person in a summer movie or a music video has a bonfire at the beach and it looks like so much fun and everyone has an amazing time, they aren't exactly easy. First things first; in my town if you get caught making a fire on a beach you get in a lot of trouble. Then again I'm a rebel and really want to test the waters and light the sand attached to the water on fire!

2. Night Swimming
   I've swam in a pool at two in the morning a million times but in the bay, I've never done that! Secretly because I've been afraid that something creepy will grab me and drag me down but I will face my fears and jump on at one in the morning!

3. Stargazing
   Yes, I'm that lame person who can look up at the stars for hours and be totally happy. I just haven't had the time to do it lately but I would really love too, and if it was on a boat in the middle of the ocean...my life would be complete. 

4. Strawberry Festival (Done it!)
   In my town in June we have this festival called the strawberry festival, and almost everyone goes. Theres rides and games and a bunch of food and yes a million strawberries! I haven't been in like five years but this year I went and honestly it wasn't the best and way too over priced, but hey I did it! 

5. Hookup with an Osprey 
   I'm not talking about bird I'm talking about a baseball player. In the summer the towns out here have a string of summer collegiate baseball teams with college baseball players. Otherwise known as my weakness. They come from all over America and they are almost all attractive as all hell, I am determined to make out with at least one of them. I'm a cleat chaser....so sue me?  

6. Get another tattoo (Did it!)
   I already have two and now I have another. Something about the summer just makes me want to go to a shop and get something permanently inked onto me. Yesterday I actually did it, I went to my favorite shop on Long Island and got a tattoo on my ankle. A video will go up on my channel SharpiesVlogs6 eventually.

I hope some of you have summer bucket lists too and I hope that you are able to cross everything off like I hope to do. 

XXX ILY times a Million NikkieSharpie XXX

Revamping My Closet!

Hello KooKooBabes!

     The other day I opened my closet and realized-like every other teenage girl-I had nothing to wear! Okay, well, I did have a lot to wear but I didn't like any of it or I wasn't going to like any of it. Except, unlike other girls who would shut their closets and move on, I ripped open the doors and started throwing things onto the floor. It was time to finally get rid of those clothes I was never going to wear.

    After having quite a big pile of blouses, dresses and shirts I put on hangers, I moved onto my drawers getting rid of all those tank tops that are "So totally cute" but I "So wont wear" anytime soon. That was a huge pile of clothing just with my hanging tops from my closet and the tank tops from the drawer but I wasn't finished. I moved onto bottoms and removed almost everything! Honestly why did I think capri yoga pants with tribal print on the hip would ever look good?! I had a huge pile of clothing and passed it on to family friends after doing so I felt happy and clean and already started to plan my new wardrobe.

    The thing is I crave change in simple things often, like my entire closet. I wanted to go back to basics, I had to many clashing styles and I was sick of it. I gave myself a deadline; the start of fall semester I would have a completely clean fresh and new filled closet. I'm ready for this and feel good about changing my life. Simple things in my life like giving away a pile of clothes can make me feel so good, my lungs get lighter and I just get so much inspiration to start new.

    I felt good about my need for change and was started to stock up online carts in some of the my favorite stores that night, it really helped me sleep better that night. The next morning I went to my closet ready to be happy about the fact I had "Nothing to wear" but realized I actually still have so many clothes! I even found something to wear! I guess I'll be doing a few more clean outs before my closet is perfect...stay tuned!

XXX ILY times a Million NikkieSharpie XXX

A New Bed Can Change A Person!

CozySoft Bed Set "Amy"

Hello KooKooBabes!

   The other day I went to Bed Bath and Beyond to get a duvet cover for my bland not fluffy or inviting duvet insert. I love Bed Bath and Beyond because I am a house wife in a 19year olds body, I love to purchase home supplies like cook wear, candles, and picture frames. Weird, I know but I am who I am and that store excites me. Bed Bath and Beyond also has a million options for creating the most inviting bed ever.
   I grabbed a cart and strolled though just looking for a purple duvet cover, that was it a simple comfortable purple duvet cover. That apparently does not exist anymore; no, it ins't just purple, they have patterns and designs and three different colors along with purple! No duvet cover appealed to me and I was getting incredibly discouraged then I found the comforters. Still, with three different colors and an interesting butterfly design but I grabbed it and went home. The second I took it out of the bag and felt it I was in heaven. This comforter is the softest thing ever and the sheets I bought along with are actually pretty nice, I usually hate sheets and end up putting a blanket over the top but these I don't need. After making my bed and making it look nice-and taking this picture above of course-I felt instantly better.
   The room got lighter, felt bigger(which is amazing since it's smaller then my dorm room!), I felt safe and all because of some new bedding?! It's awesome how sometimes the simplest of things like a change of sheets can make a person feel so much better, make their heart lighter and spread an uncontrollable smile across their face.
   I get like this with a lot of things that shouldn't do that like getting school supplies, or in this case buying new bedding. I guess that makes me really weird huh? Well, oh well I'm weird; my bedding puts me in a great mood and makes me feel safe.

XXX ILY times a Million NikkieSharpie XXX

I Want To Do Nothing.

Hello KooKooBabes!

A few weeks ago I got let go from a summer job that I was training for, and I was so happy. Sure, rejection and being let go is embarrassing and public so it made me uncomfortable but in a way I was happy it happened. I did two days of training and realized that I didn't want to work there, I was not like the people I was training with, I didn't care about it. Why even apply if the first place? You ask, well this is what hit me; It had an expiration. I didn't want to do that retail job forever, no it started in the beginning of summer and ended when I went back to school. It wasn't a constant thing it was like milk; once it was expired, there wasn't any chance going back. This made me realize I want to do something with my life that isn't always the same. I don't want to work an office job, a typical 9-5, I would honestly go insane! 

This made me touch on several topics like what am I doing with my life? I'm going to school for Event planning, its a topic I love and I'm good at but I love it because it always changes! Every event is different, even if it's the same event every year you change things every time. It is not a constant thing; yes it is planning events over and over but its a different one every time which I love. Except, do I want to do this for the rest of my life? I have no clue I do want to do it for a long time but I also want to do a million other things!

Where I want to live is also a topic-this issue of being let go- that became apparent. I had always said I wanted to live in California. I wanted to build my own house in the Palisades, have a cabin up in Lake Arrowhead, raise a family, have nice things, give my children and husband the world, live a damn near perfect life. Getting rejected from my dream California school last year also-in a way-rejected the whole idea of California from my mind completely and, I hate how that happened. Florida is great I really like it, but it doesn't have what I want. New York I also love but it's cold and I can't stand that where I live currently is so far from everything. California has been where I wanted to be for nearly seven years now how could I ever lose that dream! Last week someone asked me where I wanted to be in ten years, you know what I said? 'Where ever my husband is I will be happy' I'M SINGLE.

How insane does that sound?! I'm 19 I don't have a boyfriend or anyone tying me down, I wanted to do a million things and I lost sight of that. I'm glad I was let go, I really truly am, because it opened my eyes to what I was forgetting and what I really wanted in life. Which is to be happily married, with children, owning my own company, in my custom made home. Oh and did I forget to say, it's in California.


XXX ILY Times a Million! NikkieSharpie XXX

Is This a Blessing or a Curse?

Hello KooKooBabes!

Ok, so this is something that has recently come to my attention and I need to talk about it ASAP! I said in my first post how some of these aren't going to be for the fait-hearted and this is one of those posts. If you don't like the discussion of sexual activity please close this now and wait until my next post which will be a little more reserved.
This past week I have been ask by not one or two but four males if I would partake in oral sex with them. Plain and simple; I've been asked to get on my knees and blow four different times by four different guys! Two of them are repeat offenders, they were males that I had "fun" with in my first semester here in college one is a guy I've been having cuddle sessions with on occasion and the other is a guy who I haven't done anything with ever. Two of them asked me in the same exact night! I started to think and I wondered "Is God blessing me?" male attention is something I don't get that often so when it happens I'm not only happy but I'm shocked. Except, I thought more about this and then started to wonder "Or is God telling me this is what people think about me?" Do men think I am easy, do they think I'm willing to get on my knees just because they ask for it? Maybe it's like Mae West said in "She done him wrong" which was "When Women go wrong men go right after them". Maybe my past actions have made me more appealing to the male population?! How does that even work?!

If you are wondering I said no to all of them! This has thoroughly confused me, I've barley spoken to these guys like ever and now their all asking for a blow job in the course of three days?! I'm not sure if this is Gods way of saying that things are looking better and that some guys still want me, or if he's trying to tell me to slow my roll because the title I'm getting isn't a good one. All and all I'm confused and remaining on my feet and not my knees for a little while.

XXX ILY times a Million! NikkieSharpie XXX