Hello KooKooBabes!
In church the other day my priest-Father Joe-said several things that really opened up my eyes and really made me think. He basically said that God doesn't want us to fail, he doesn't enjoy it, he doesn't want to give us constant judgement. Which is true, God wants us to enjoy life and do things we want too and if it is a sin he will then judge us and eventually forgive us. Father Joe admitted to having sinned and we in the seats also agreed to committing sins. He then went onto say that God is aware we have sinned but he is willing to forgive and forget it, he doesn't enjoy giving punishment he enjoys giving acceptance, so why do we still continue to hold grudges?
I will be honest when I say I am a stubborn Italian-New York female, so I tend to hold grudges for a very long time. I tend to remember those who wronged me in the past and occasionally bring it up when they start to stray toward the path of wrong doing. Except as I grow older and seek guidance from others, including my church, I started to realize that I don't that part of me at all. Not the holding a grudge-that is a talent I'm mastered-the whole bringing it back up. I hate when people bring up my flaws or things I did in the past, so why should I continue to do it to others? I don't want to see anyone I know to fail and if I keep bringing it up that could potentially make them do so.
We all should learn to forgive and move on-I'm not saying forget because memory is strongest of all-so we can all grow. If God doesn't want us to fail why do we want to see our friends and family fail, why don't we want to forgive and accept them with open arms like God will do for those he forgave once they passed on? We need less anger and spite and we need to accept that we are all flawed and we are all willing to move past them.
XXX ILY Times a Million, NikkieSharpie! XXX
Wednesday, July 30, 2014
Wednesday, July 23, 2014
Moment Made for Movies 1.
Hello KooKooBabes!
I was recently talking to a friend of mine and was telling her about things that happened to me during school. After the third story she turned to me and told you "You have a lot of movie moments" and I decided to share them. When she said movie moments she meant things that you would usually only see in a silly little Rom-Com or a hipster independent film. You know, like going on a date where dolphins jump when you have your first kiss(which hasn't happened to me...yet!) or your boyfriend getting you the apartment you've always wanted like Big in Sex and the City the Movie. Nothing like that has happened to me but I do have some stories I want to share with you.
Over thanksgiving break I decided not to go home to the freezing cold state of New York, partly because of the weather and partly because my mom never really celebrates thanksgiving. I didn't see a point, so I just stayed on campus with all the other loners. I didn't really venture out of my dorm except to go shopping here and there and get food from the caf, other then that I was in bed with Gossip Girl all week. On the night before thanksgiving all through the campus not as many as usual were stirring, honey it's Boca, there is no mouse. I ventured out of my room to grab dinner before overdosing on the great love of Chuck and Blair for the rest of my night. As I entered the caf a friend of mine approached me asking me if I had a car, my friend left me hers so yes, for the time being I did have a car. He asked me to take him to the liquor store, harmless request to go down the street so after much begging on his part-I always was going to say yes he didn't need to beg, it was just fun to watch-I agreed and off we went. In the car I asked him why he wanted to drink tonight hoping maybe there was some kind of party, he shook his head and responded "I'm a writer, I like to drink while I write it really helps me" how Hemingway of him.
He went and got his liquor and we drove back to campus before we parted ways he asked me if I would like to join him. Lets weight my options; spending an evening in my bed watching gossip girl until early hours of morning, OR sitting in a cute boys room while he takes shots and writes a novel. I chose gossip girl. He understood and off we went...then an hour later her texted me asking me what I was doing and if I would "please come over" and "stay with" him while he wrote I put up a slight fight then he asked if he could come to my room. I didn't have to move, he would sit there and write and I could do what I want, I wrote back "Ok". He came over five minutes later and went to work and I went onto the next drama filled episode. After a while of him taking shots and typing furiously he asked me to drink I declined "Why not?" he asked coming toward me iPad in hand I shrugged
"I don't know not really in the mood too" I responded he smiled placing the iPad in front of me
"How about this; you read what I have written and if you like it you drink, if you don't I wont bother you about it again" I didn't have any arguments so I read what he was working on and it was actually very beautiful. I ended up getting drunk very quickly. We were taking shots and talking, taking shots and laughing, taking shots and...wait for it...watching the Disney classic Hercules...while he sang along! I was melting, he was adorable! I had never really gotten to know him before that night and it was only getting better. Somehow we ended up looking at pictures on my phone when he came across a picture of my sister and I. For my entire school career everyone would say the same thing "You're pretty, but you're sister is prettier" which wasn't really true shes just thinner then me and her boobs came in before mine. This time he studied the photo "This is your sister?" he asked I rolled my eyes and nodded, excepting the same response I always got. Instead, he nodded and casually said "hmm, you're hotter" handing me back my phone. I turned bright red and laughed awkwardly thanking him, that was a shock "Well you are!" he stated taking a shot and I grabbed the bottle from his and took one myself, no one ever told me that I needed booze to be able to handle it.
As the night went on the conversation got better and finally were getting to the movie moments you have all been waiting for. He looked out the window with a smile "lets go somewhere" he said I groaned
"Come on it's late and it's comfortable in my bed" I whined as he grabbed my arm trying to move us off my bed "Trust me this place is awesome!" he insisted pulling me again this time I pulled back
"Nooooooo" I cried as we got into a pulling war finally I grabbed him around the waist "I don't wanna!" I said in a joking tone, he laughed and soon pulling and grabbing each other turned into a full out tickle fest, I screaming and giggling as he tried his hardest to convince me to leave my room. He had his arms around me as I was on my back struggling for air when he stopped, pushed my hair back, looked me in the eyes and said "You are really beautiful Nikkie" and smiled. I got extremely embarrassed rolling my eyes and telling him to stop "No, you are though" he said his eyes still fixed on mine. I needed to get this conversation off of me so I went for his sides heading right back into our tickle fight. It went on for a little more the once again, while still on top of me torturing me with fast moving fingers that made me laugh, he stopped and in a flash his lips were on top of mine and he was kissing me. When our lips finally parted I looked up at him and asked "Why did you do that?" with a stupid smiled stuck onto my face, he had matching smile as he shrugged lowering himself back toward me and said "I don't know". This is the part in the move where the camera pans over to the half empty bottle of vodka and Hercules paused onto the television then the scene goes dark.
When you finally reenter the scene the two "friends" are cuddled up in bed, him without a shirt and her with the covers covering her upper half may or may not be wearing clothes. We didn't feel awkward about it at all we were actually both pretty happy something about being drunk and friends and the whole experience in general. Oh and to make it even better after he took me to a "secrete place" that I promised I would never tell anyone where it was and we...wait for it...looked at the stars together! After that we didn't really talk much and we never had another night like that again and in a way, I don't mind. He was exactly what I needed at that time in my life.
Even regular everyday girls get moments that are made for the movies!
XXX ILY Times a Million, NikkieSharpie! XXX
I was recently talking to a friend of mine and was telling her about things that happened to me during school. After the third story she turned to me and told you "You have a lot of movie moments" and I decided to share them. When she said movie moments she meant things that you would usually only see in a silly little Rom-Com or a hipster independent film. You know, like going on a date where dolphins jump when you have your first kiss(which hasn't happened to me...yet!) or your boyfriend getting you the apartment you've always wanted like Big in Sex and the City the Movie. Nothing like that has happened to me but I do have some stories I want to share with you.
Over thanksgiving break I decided not to go home to the freezing cold state of New York, partly because of the weather and partly because my mom never really celebrates thanksgiving. I didn't see a point, so I just stayed on campus with all the other loners. I didn't really venture out of my dorm except to go shopping here and there and get food from the caf, other then that I was in bed with Gossip Girl all week. On the night before thanksgiving all through the campus not as many as usual were stirring, honey it's Boca, there is no mouse. I ventured out of my room to grab dinner before overdosing on the great love of Chuck and Blair for the rest of my night. As I entered the caf a friend of mine approached me asking me if I had a car, my friend left me hers so yes, for the time being I did have a car. He asked me to take him to the liquor store, harmless request to go down the street so after much begging on his part-I always was going to say yes he didn't need to beg, it was just fun to watch-I agreed and off we went. In the car I asked him why he wanted to drink tonight hoping maybe there was some kind of party, he shook his head and responded "I'm a writer, I like to drink while I write it really helps me" how Hemingway of him.
He went and got his liquor and we drove back to campus before we parted ways he asked me if I would like to join him. Lets weight my options; spending an evening in my bed watching gossip girl until early hours of morning, OR sitting in a cute boys room while he takes shots and writes a novel. I chose gossip girl. He understood and off we went...then an hour later her texted me asking me what I was doing and if I would "please come over" and "stay with" him while he wrote I put up a slight fight then he asked if he could come to my room. I didn't have to move, he would sit there and write and I could do what I want, I wrote back "Ok". He came over five minutes later and went to work and I went onto the next drama filled episode. After a while of him taking shots and typing furiously he asked me to drink I declined "Why not?" he asked coming toward me iPad in hand I shrugged
"I don't know not really in the mood too" I responded he smiled placing the iPad in front of me
"How about this; you read what I have written and if you like it you drink, if you don't I wont bother you about it again" I didn't have any arguments so I read what he was working on and it was actually very beautiful. I ended up getting drunk very quickly. We were taking shots and talking, taking shots and laughing, taking shots and...wait for it...watching the Disney classic Hercules...while he sang along! I was melting, he was adorable! I had never really gotten to know him before that night and it was only getting better. Somehow we ended up looking at pictures on my phone when he came across a picture of my sister and I. For my entire school career everyone would say the same thing "You're pretty, but you're sister is prettier" which wasn't really true shes just thinner then me and her boobs came in before mine. This time he studied the photo "This is your sister?" he asked I rolled my eyes and nodded, excepting the same response I always got. Instead, he nodded and casually said "hmm, you're hotter" handing me back my phone. I turned bright red and laughed awkwardly thanking him, that was a shock "Well you are!" he stated taking a shot and I grabbed the bottle from his and took one myself, no one ever told me that I needed booze to be able to handle it.
As the night went on the conversation got better and finally were getting to the movie moments you have all been waiting for. He looked out the window with a smile "lets go somewhere" he said I groaned
"Come on it's late and it's comfortable in my bed" I whined as he grabbed my arm trying to move us off my bed "Trust me this place is awesome!" he insisted pulling me again this time I pulled back
"Nooooooo" I cried as we got into a pulling war finally I grabbed him around the waist "I don't wanna!" I said in a joking tone, he laughed and soon pulling and grabbing each other turned into a full out tickle fest, I screaming and giggling as he tried his hardest to convince me to leave my room. He had his arms around me as I was on my back struggling for air when he stopped, pushed my hair back, looked me in the eyes and said "You are really beautiful Nikkie" and smiled. I got extremely embarrassed rolling my eyes and telling him to stop "No, you are though" he said his eyes still fixed on mine. I needed to get this conversation off of me so I went for his sides heading right back into our tickle fight. It went on for a little more the once again, while still on top of me torturing me with fast moving fingers that made me laugh, he stopped and in a flash his lips were on top of mine and he was kissing me. When our lips finally parted I looked up at him and asked "Why did you do that?" with a stupid smiled stuck onto my face, he had matching smile as he shrugged lowering himself back toward me and said "I don't know". This is the part in the move where the camera pans over to the half empty bottle of vodka and Hercules paused onto the television then the scene goes dark.
When you finally reenter the scene the two "friends" are cuddled up in bed, him without a shirt and her with the covers covering her upper half may or may not be wearing clothes. We didn't feel awkward about it at all we were actually both pretty happy something about being drunk and friends and the whole experience in general. Oh and to make it even better after he took me to a "secrete place" that I promised I would never tell anyone where it was and we...wait for it...looked at the stars together! After that we didn't really talk much and we never had another night like that again and in a way, I don't mind. He was exactly what I needed at that time in my life.
Even regular everyday girls get moments that are made for the movies!
XXX ILY Times a Million, NikkieSharpie! XXX
Wednesday, July 16, 2014
He Broke It.
Hello KooKooBabes!
Last month I was asked to give my little cousin "The talk" because she got her first fifth grade boyfriend and in this day and age you never know how young they'll start. I was giving her this talk in the car on the way home and at one point I was giving her examples of how to be in control of herself and she has the power and if she gives it up she could end up very hurt how I was hurt recently. She looked confused and turned to me saying "but you didn't have a boyfriend". Which she was right I haven't had a boyfriend for a very long time, but does that mean I can't have my heart broken?
The answer that has taken me a while to discover is no; you don't always have to be in a relationship with a person for them to break your heart. You can be like me and wear your heart on your sleeve and when that guy you think is so special comes around, he can easily break it. This happened to me recently; I started a thing with a guy and I "caught feelings" as everyone is calling it now and, whoever pitched me those feelings is definitely in the majors because it was a hard, fast, straight down the strike zone pitch of feelings. The problem was, he didn't feel the same but he still continued to mind-fuck me and string me along for nine long months. In the end he finally was over me and decided to cut me out of his life completely. Without notice and without a reason why-when I confronted him-but with some public comments like a sub-tweet or two and a sub-instagram. Now, that could all be in my head but I'm pretty sure it was about me. Either way it broke me, even now while I write this my chest gets tight and tears start to come to the surface because it was so sudden.
I got my heart broken and it is still broken; he tore it in two and there's a lot of stitches needed to put it back together and those stitches aren't all in one go. Oh no, I'm still not even close to a fully repaired heart and every time I think about it I pull at the stitches I've worked hard to get. The comment my cousin made for example is perfect for pulling at those already made stitches. How do you explain to someone that a person you weren't even in a relationship with broke your heart? It sounds absolutely insane! Truly it sounds like I'm insane, but in this society it really isn't. A lot of people aren't committing to just one person-or they are but cheating with several others-but that doesn't stop them from finding someone who wants to be that one person and taking them for everything we are willing to give. Which I am responsible for it partly because I am so willing to give someone I really want to have something with almost everything. I set myself up for it, I listened to what everyone told me not to do, I nodded and smiled and then I did what I wanted and it's ended up not too great. I'm hurt and raw and I hate this feeling for a broken heart. I hate that fact that I know we wont end up together, I hate how I know I won't fall asleep in his arms or get to know anything more about him. I even hate how I even wanted any of that to happen and thought it could happen! It makes it that much harder to deal with this, what also makes it that much harder is knowing I'm going to have to see him in five weeks and I'm going to have to act like I'm not burning up on the inside.
A broken heart is never fun and it isn't something I wish onto anyone, I don't even wish this pain onto the guy who broke it. No, in fact I pray for him every week, I pray to god that he one day will realize how much I gave up for him and how much I actually cared about him. Maybe he will see it and maybe he won't either way a prayer to god can't hurt anyone, and in a way it helps me heal. With the strength of god and the strength he gives me, and I give myself I will one day recover. My heart will be fully stitched and I will have learned from my mistakes. Hopefully I will be willing to give it to another person in full confidence they won't tear at the seems. Until that day I will work to make my heart on a sleeve whole again.
XXX ILY times a Milli, NikkieSharpie XXX
Last month I was asked to give my little cousin "The talk" because she got her first fifth grade boyfriend and in this day and age you never know how young they'll start. I was giving her this talk in the car on the way home and at one point I was giving her examples of how to be in control of herself and she has the power and if she gives it up she could end up very hurt how I was hurt recently. She looked confused and turned to me saying "but you didn't have a boyfriend". Which she was right I haven't had a boyfriend for a very long time, but does that mean I can't have my heart broken?
The answer that has taken me a while to discover is no; you don't always have to be in a relationship with a person for them to break your heart. You can be like me and wear your heart on your sleeve and when that guy you think is so special comes around, he can easily break it. This happened to me recently; I started a thing with a guy and I "caught feelings" as everyone is calling it now and, whoever pitched me those feelings is definitely in the majors because it was a hard, fast, straight down the strike zone pitch of feelings. The problem was, he didn't feel the same but he still continued to mind-fuck me and string me along for nine long months. In the end he finally was over me and decided to cut me out of his life completely. Without notice and without a reason why-when I confronted him-but with some public comments like a sub-tweet or two and a sub-instagram. Now, that could all be in my head but I'm pretty sure it was about me. Either way it broke me, even now while I write this my chest gets tight and tears start to come to the surface because it was so sudden.
I got my heart broken and it is still broken; he tore it in two and there's a lot of stitches needed to put it back together and those stitches aren't all in one go. Oh no, I'm still not even close to a fully repaired heart and every time I think about it I pull at the stitches I've worked hard to get. The comment my cousin made for example is perfect for pulling at those already made stitches. How do you explain to someone that a person you weren't even in a relationship with broke your heart? It sounds absolutely insane! Truly it sounds like I'm insane, but in this society it really isn't. A lot of people aren't committing to just one person-or they are but cheating with several others-but that doesn't stop them from finding someone who wants to be that one person and taking them for everything we are willing to give. Which I am responsible for it partly because I am so willing to give someone I really want to have something with almost everything. I set myself up for it, I listened to what everyone told me not to do, I nodded and smiled and then I did what I wanted and it's ended up not too great. I'm hurt and raw and I hate this feeling for a broken heart. I hate that fact that I know we wont end up together, I hate how I know I won't fall asleep in his arms or get to know anything more about him. I even hate how I even wanted any of that to happen and thought it could happen! It makes it that much harder to deal with this, what also makes it that much harder is knowing I'm going to have to see him in five weeks and I'm going to have to act like I'm not burning up on the inside.
A broken heart is never fun and it isn't something I wish onto anyone, I don't even wish this pain onto the guy who broke it. No, in fact I pray for him every week, I pray to god that he one day will realize how much I gave up for him and how much I actually cared about him. Maybe he will see it and maybe he won't either way a prayer to god can't hurt anyone, and in a way it helps me heal. With the strength of god and the strength he gives me, and I give myself I will one day recover. My heart will be fully stitched and I will have learned from my mistakes. Hopefully I will be willing to give it to another person in full confidence they won't tear at the seems. Until that day I will work to make my heart on a sleeve whole again.
XXX ILY times a Milli, NikkieSharpie XXX
Wednesday, July 9, 2014
Revamping my closet 2.
!Hello KooKooBabes
I made a post before about redoing my closet and this post is going to be a continuation of redoing my wardrobe because there is still a lot to be done. In my last post I talked about how I was purging my drawers and closet but still had a lot of clothing. Well, I think I've done about ten cycles of filtering everything out of my closet and now finally I'm getting somewhere. I made a list of things I need to add to my wardrobe and started to purchase them here and there but still wasn't much room in my already small closet. Last night I did what I think is my final purge and I did this in probably the smartest way possible.
I go back to school in 6 weeks and to most people that's so far from their thoughts but to me it's right about the corner so I needed to light a fire under my indecisive ass. I first started by getting two different types of duct tape. Purple and silver and attached them to hangers with clothing on them; purple tape meant I was taking it to college and silver meant it was staying at home. I really don't need a Michael Kors sweater in the middle of souther Florida now do I? No, but I would need it when I returned to NY in the colder months. The tape helped because as I went though item by item I would think before I stuck it around the hook; do I need this, does it look good-and most importantly-how many looks can I make with this top. If I couldn't pair it with 5 bottoms that I either owned or was going to own I had to give it up. It was the smartest thing I could do because if I couldn't pair or it wouldn't look good paired with more then one thing it made its way to the donation pile. My closet can now fully be seen through one of the sliding doors and I think that is an accomplishment.
After my closet I went to the drawers, now I don't want to take all my tee shirts and tank tops to school with me. There isn't much room for all of that so I needed to divide what would be taken and what I would leave. I didn't want to start to pack and load up my car just yet-and when I did this it was 11pm the forest monsters would eat me if I left the house-so I dumped everything out of my drawer and sorted it. Everything I wasn't brining to school would be placed left to right and be on the bottom and everything going to school was from top to bottom and put on top, so when it came time to pack I wouldn't be digging for thing.
After this I feel good and fresh and clean and ready to stock up on the things I needed for my closet without feeling like it was taking up my life/room. I don't think I need to purge anymore but instead I need to stock up. There's a list of things I need for school and I only have six more weeks to get it all! Time to kick this into gear!
XXX ILY times a Million, NikkieSharpie XXX
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